When you’re dating for a while, whether it’s casually or seriously, you’re going to find that you have a lot of emotions going on. You obviously care about this person, otherwise you wouldn’t spend the time on them that you do. But before you get in over your head, you’ve got to make sure that you’re doing the right thing. The best way to do this is to ask yourself some questions. Sit down, grab some paper, and start writing. If that’s not your style, go out to a quiet place and think it out to yourself. Whatever way you do it, you’ve got to ask yourself…
What makes you commit to each other? This makes you think of them, too. What is it about each other that you just love? What can’t you live without? Figuring out if you want to grow together and have a family is very important. Or maybe the two of you want to commit your lives toward travelling the world together instead. Whatever it is, making sure that it’s compatible will ensure that your passion will always be around, that your arguments aren’t misguided, and that you can keep a long-term relationship going.
What’s the best relationship like to you? If you could program an ideal relationship, what would be in it? Would you have kids? Would you both work? Where would you live? These are all mini questions that add up to what your ideal relationship would be. Sometimes we get stuck trying to figure these things out, so breaking it down into mini questions can help. Figuring out what your ideal relationship is give you an idea of what you want to strive for. You may not have that at first with them, but you can always keep that ideal in mind. Now you have to see if theirs matches up with yours.
What about our family? This is a big one that can often separate couples. What is your thought on family? Think about how many kids you want to have, where you’ll live, what you want to raise them like, and whose family will be closest. These are all huge future decisions, but you’re really getting down to the wire here. You have to be like-minded in this area, otherwise you’ll never be successful. Of course, you can always compensate, doing something like adopting instead of birthing children. But even that can be difficult to do for some.
Think about your sex life. Can you keep your sex life going? There are a ton of different ways to keep the spice going in a bedroom, but think about what really turns you on. Do they do all of those things for you? If not, can you see them being open to trying the new things? Breaking it down to figuring out if you’re both going to be able to have the desire to keep things fresh is really important in the long-run. Again, this is a huge hurtle for many to overcome and it can wreck a marriage faster than money can. If there’s no spark, there’s no chance.
What do you both want to accomplish in the near future? Having goals is fantastic. It helps you work towards bettering yourself and your lifestyle. This is something that couples will have to do throughout their time together. But for some, having these goals can actually be overwhelming to their life. For example, if you have to talk to their secretary and leave notes every time you call the office that might be bad. They have no time to take your call. But that’s not the worst. If you have to schedule dates around their work schedule, that’s the worst. Having that barrier of the goals (in this case working) does the opposite of its intent. Instead you become secondary. That doesn’t make anyone feel wanted, and it certainly tells you about the time they have available for a relationship. Keep an eye open, you could easily be the one who’s over-determined.
When do you want to start all of this? This is probably the most important question when you’re done talking it over with your partner. Together you have to decide and compromise as to when you want to settle down and do this thing. There’s obviously not a definitive date, but you’ve got to be actively thinking of it.